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| Is female submission just another way for a man to control a woman? |
| By Unknown |
It seems that once upon a time women were looking for Prince Charming now Prince Charming has a new name... Master/Dom.
B&D / S&M has become trendy and with trendy comes a new group of Dominants and submissives. These are what I refer to as the "do-me" submissives.
I look around the Internet and I see many sites that describe Dominance/Submission as a power exchange of sorts and explains what a good Dominant or Submissive should be. (Honest- trustworthy-safe-strong-truthful-etc) I read this and say this is nothing new or earth shattering, because regardless of the activity all human beings should be acting this way - so what's new.
It is my belief that women have figured out that female submission is a hoax they can use to control Male dominants. I have heard all the reasons why women claim to be submissive and my contention is they are less than truthful. Things like I have a need to please I have these fantasies/desires or I get excited from being controlled.
The truth is very few people practice true B&D/S&M. Instead they are engaging in some diluted form of kinky sexual role-play.
When I ask female submissives why they submit or why they feel they are submissive I usually get answers like "I was born to serve, its in my nature to nurture". "I submit only to my master even though by nature I'm submissive" . It is because of these answers that I feel they cannot truthfully answer the question.
This is why I firmly believe that female submissives are "do-me" submissives. They have developed an understanding, they are the ones actually in control and use this to feed the male ego. All women want attention. They want to cherished, taken care of, sexually fulfilled by a knight in shining Armour (even if it is same sex knight). And all people have fantasies not just submissives.
If most women were honest about why they submit, they would tell you it's for selfish reasons. What I see happening here is a new sexual revolution, where women have chosen to say they are submissive in order to get their wants/needs/desires fulfilled. Those wants/needs/desires being the same as they were when DS wasn't so popular. (Orgasms, being cared for, attention and the power to control their significant other) But now as a submissive it is required that you tell your Master every thought in your head and nothing is sacred therefore the relationship becomes more open. Thus sex can be more like the submissive imagines it to be. So if you have thoughts of being ravished it is perfectly ok to state that as so. (eg) Maybe you have to do the laundry to have your fantasy fulfilled but hey you'd have to do laundry anyway.
Well if you think about it lots of "vanilla" people would be considered submissives as well if that was all there was to submission. I think all women want good sex and to be taken in ways that relieves guilt(not exclusive to submissives) and of course women want attention which they may or may not get as women but lead on a leash and undressed they get as a submissive.
This writer believes the superior sex has figured out how to get what they want and need by feeding the male ego and renaming the relationships Master/slave dominant/submissive . I am no longer the girlfriend/wife or significant other I am his submissive!
There are two schools of thought concerning S&M / B&D commonly in existence at this time. They may not always be vocalized but in fact they do exist. The first school of thought is that fetish role scene play (synonym for S&M / B&D) is fore play for sexual intercourse or sexually related activities, including male or female masturbation or other direct forms of physical contacts. (For those who are getting lost blow jobs pussy eating or what ever.) This form of scene play is usually limited in practice to couples that are intimately involved with each other. Of course it can include more than two people - in some cases it just makes it more fun. The one thread that runs through this school of thought is that scene play is to end mainly in intercourse or some other form of intimate sexual activity.
The other school of thought has been referred to as "Old Guard, "Old Leather," scene play, strict domination or submission. This school has a relatively rigid set of guidelines for relationships between dominants and sub missives. The roles of sub missives, slaves, etc are definitely defined There are standards of acceptance of what is or is not S&M / B&D. The two schools usually are not found to agree on much of anything for one main reason. The first school of thought is based upon a Swan Dance type of scene ending in intimate sexual activities.
The second school usually rules out any form of sexual activity on the part of the players. It is considered to be "Alternative Forms Of Adult Sexual Stimulation." People included in this school may be masochists, fetishists who have different sexual partners than their play partners, those into controlling others and those who are into being controlled by others. This school has an entirely different mind set from the other school. Example, a Master or a Domina can play with many diverse people in many different role plays, and have a separate sex partner who may or may not be involved in fetish scene role play. It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to do several different types of role plays with different men or women etc. without any sexual contact as it is perceived in the first school of thought.
Let's expand, define, examine, and discuss the first school of thought at some length. The idea of fetish - role- play as a form of fore play for intimate sexual relationships, would expect to find husbands, wives, boyfriends, and girl friends engaging in this type of activity to heighten sexual experiences. A very pretty dominant lady told me recently that nothing makes her cum more during sex than to have her toes in her lover's mouth while they are actually having sex. Now this is taking foot fetish to its ultimate heights. Now other couples like to spank each other or one becomes the spanker or the spanked depending upon who is dominant or submissive. This could in fact be taken, as a scene going back to child hood or just turns them on it is not important. At this level there really isn't much dominance or sub mission taking place on any more than a sexual level.
The situation starts to develop some difficulties when it takes on the forms of true dominance and true submission.. Now the very nature of dominance means that the choices of what is going to happen usually rest with the dominant individual. The males referring to their female partners as collared slaves have relationship where everything is available on demand, especially sex. These ladies represent themselves as living only to please their master. Being with him only to serve him in any way he wishes them to, without any regard for their feelings on the matter.
In a few extreme cases, the more imaginative Masters loaned out their slaves for sexual relations to males willing to pay tribute to their Masters for the privilege. This form of "role play" or devotion to the master was used instead of the correct term is a pimp and a paid prostitute. However in the heat of controversy many Masters seemed to defend the other Masters right to do just what was done. They even thought it was the slave's obligation to do this for her Master. Now of course I did not notice all these staunch defenders of Masters rights farming out their wives or girl friends for such tribute nor did I see too many female slaves publicly expressing a willingness to put out for other men to increase the wealth of their master.
Another observation attributed to "Masters" from this school of thought is that all fetish scene - role - play is supposed to end or include an intimate sexual relationship with the female submissive. This leads many to the logical analogy that Master's are nothing more than males out looking to put another spin on the whole issue of "how do I get laid? Now the interesting part about this is many females seemingly are submitting, looking for suitable males for sexual relationships with more vanilla goals.
Lost in the maze of who is going to get laid, how many times who cums etc. is the true essence of what Fetish Scene Role Play is in fact all about. Worst yet the skill of the Masters and there over all knowledge about playing range from very little to dangerous actions based upon a lack of caring or machismo abandon. The females are excessively bruised bloodied or in many instances scared out of their wits, especially if this play isn't with, a previously known, significant other. The lust for hard dicks and wet pussies really replaces the drama of true scene role - play. The power exchanges that are supposed to take place just really don't seem to make it. Not only that, but many observers whose dicks are not getting involved, or pussies are not being fucked get really turned off by what they see.
The "Old Guard" or "Old Leather" school basically has a relatively ridged hierarchy system going from Domina / Master to submissive onto the ultimate level for a sub of collared slave. There was a time in this school of play, when no Domina / Master could become a recognized dominant without having first been a bottom / sub missive. The purpose of this exercise was two fold. The aspiring to become dominant knew first hand what the submissive was feeling in most of the role - play. This was especially true in the area of corporal scenes. Also by being the bottom the top had an opportunity to see the whole thing from the prospective of the sub missive
This type of training brought to the forefront the belief that the dominant was completely responsible for the well being of the sub in the scene. He or she learned very quickly what it was like to have things possibly get out of hand. Purposely being taken where you didn't want to go and knowing you had to go there. Yes, there are very few safe words in this type of play. A true player would almost rather die than use his or her safe word in this type of play. This is good because now the future top knows what it means to take someone where they have not been.
It was only when this aspiring dominant has passed through most phases of fetish scene role - play and mastered the roles that he or she was allowed to contemplate becoming a Domina or Master. The prestige of the dominant individual was then judged by how well he or she performed in that role. The mastery of toys, the understanding of the bottom, the ability to develop a power exchange during the scene, and yes the number of slaves or subs who in fact wanted to play with that individual. These factors still determine the ranking of Masters and Domina's in he old guard world.
Just as the dominant had to be trained so did the bottom. If he or she wanted to be recognized as a good player or good sub missive learning the role-play was a necessity. Those with whom you played and in some cases knowledgeable observers judged how you performed in a scene. The manner in which you followed instructions, orders, the respect you gave your dominant, were all ways the sub or bottom was judged. If you were successful at being trained you gained prestige in the group. Dominants would then give consideration to taking you on as a full or part time sub missive. The sub missive then would be trained further by the Master or Domina to fit their particular needs for scene play and service.
The sub missives that proved themselves worthy in the eyes of the Master or Domina were then collared as slaves in many cases. This slave relationship means exactly what it sounds like - you are owned, body, possessions, and soul by the Master or Domina. You give up all your rights except those spelled out in a written, signed and witnessed slave contract. Your life is devoted to pleasing your Master or Mistress. There is no scene negotiation, there are no safe words and there is no questioning the will of the Master or Mistress. This is not much of a problem because the true slave has worked long and hard to become the property of his or her adored Mistress or Master.
The Mistress or Master has in turn taken on an enormous responsibility. The care, protection and total well being of that slave are their total responsibility. If the Mistress or Master doesn't take proper care of the slave he or she will be severely ridiculed. In some extreme cases the offender may be totally ostracized from the group. Unsafe player in this group is the kiss of death. They will not be accepted to play at their parties, not have access to desired sub missives and certainly not get the loan of anyone's slaves. The responsibilities of a Mistress or Master in this school of play are enormous. The responsibilities of the sub missives or slaves are equally strenuous.
The Old Guard / Old Leather School is about ritual being incorporated into fetish scene role - play. The only way a sub missive or slave gets what he or she wants is by pleasing their Mistress or Master. This type of play is all about head space, adrenaline highs obtained in heavy corporal or physical scenes or for that matter erotic scenes or fetishes such as spanking, foot fetish, ass worship etc. The power exchanges that are developed through the headspace and the play are what the participants are all about. Direct sexual activity such as intercourse, masturbation during play, and so forth are frowned upon. Most slaves are ordered not to come during a scene. Should a slave violate the orders he or she can expect severe punishment. The very denial of organism is part of the headspace or head-trip. By now many people must be asking why the hell would one want to participate in this form of play.
The answers are mainly non sexual. This is a great venue for masochists who wish to experience adrenaline highs. It is good for those who want to have life role reversals, namely the person who is dominant all through his or her life wishes to be dominated in the scene. Some individuals with a number of different fetishes may wish to have the opportunity to explore them without having a sexual commitment. Many people participate in this type of play because they cannot achieve this type of role play with their significant others. Therefore without direct sexual involvement there is no real violation of the promises or contracts between the couples that don't play together.
The second school of thought provides for many more needs of the participants than the first school. A major issue that comes to light is that without sexual involvement it is much easier for people to navigate through the different type of scenes. Women can play with men to do exactly that role - play. Man can play with women to sharpen their playing skills or just to develop a power exchange without having to fear they are betraying other relationships.
The neo-classical sexually oriented first school of thought took most of their information concerning fetish scene role - play from the Old Guard School. They then conveniently deleted the points that were not convenient to their specific agendas and added points which in fact have no basis or foundation in the old school. The major problem is when you wish to change things you are not really familiar with or knowledgeable about, the end result is usually just short of disaster in many cases. Unfortunately a good deal of scene play today seems to fall into the above category. In defense of he new school it is unfortunate that there aren't many people or places in this area of the country where you will find old guard play. Think about this the next time you go to a club or private party and watch a scene. Figure whether it is new school or old guard.
Other items by Unknown:
Articles: Fully Refined Paraffin Waxes
Articles: HYPNOSIS, A BRIDGE TO THE SUBMISSIVE SOUL
Past Meetings: Dear Tech Support:
Humor: The Managed Dominance Plan
Stories: A Tale of Two Spankings
Humor: The First Time
Stories: The Sinthia Story
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