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Safety in the Scene, by Sir Viktor

The words to go by are always Safe, Sane, and Consensual!

Here are some of my rules for a total novice to the scene who is testing the waters so to speak. More experienced players can also benefit from this. If you can pick up at least one idea, then I'll consider my mission to promote safety awareness in our community to be accomplished. For those, who may feel the submissive or dominant is asking to many question, relax, and remember the era and society that we live in.

There is no right or wrong way to practice different aspects of BDSM, just a safe way!
Whatever 2 people agree upon, that's what goes.
Anyone who is considered a great sub or a great dom did not become so overnight.
Just like almost everything in life, it took education, lots of practice, patience and eventual knowledge to get to that point.

*Going to clubs and watching scenes,
*Using the Internet with key words such as (bdsm, bondage, sadomasochism, submissive, otk, spanking, mistress, domme, dominant and slave), to search for sites containing information on the WIITWD (what is it that we do).
*Reading books
*Using chat rooms are also excellent ways to find out more about BDSM.
*Using E-mail communications lists, such as the DomSubFriends, is also a good way to gain knowledge, experience, and information.

NOTE: Remember though, in chat rooms, anyone can be anyone. Example; Dom 20 years in the scene or a sub with "no limits."

What safety issues are there in submission? Let's look at a few of these issues:

Pre-initial meeting and First time meeting.
*Make sure you got the persons home and/or work number.
*Make sure a friend knows you're meeting your date.
*Make sure your date knows that others know that you are meeting them.
*Make sure you meet in a public place.
*If possible don't play the first day you meet.

Q. Are you ashamed or afraid to tell someone that you're meeting the person?
A. You have one life to live; everyone practices safety these days. Shame has no place when it comes to playing it safe when meeting a stranger.

Q. What steps have you taken for your safety? A1.
*Make sure you have someone you absolutely trust to let them know you're meeting. Maybe even let them come along for the date. Your potential partner should be able to understand that.

*Make sure that the person you've met is aware that someone else knows about your date. A3.
*Have a specific time that you will call your friend to let them know that you're OK. That is called not letting your friend worry and also being smart.

Q. What do you do if the person changes the location of the meeting in the last moment?
A. Unless it's a public place, DO NOT MEET THEM!

Q. What should you do if the person avoid certain questions no matter how many times you've ask them?
A. Avoid this person! Chances are they are hiding something.

Make sure the following have an "Yes" answer.
*Do you have the person's home and/or work number?
*Have you asked for references from that person?
*Have you discussed limits with the person you are meeting?
*Have you discussed what will happen at the first meeting in detail?
*Do you have a safeword if a session will take place? Make sure the following have a "No" answer.
*If the person you're meeting gets annoyed at all your questions, do you just go along with him/her?
*Does the person have problems with you speaking on the phone with someone who can confirm what he/she is all about?
*If you do play discreetly (and we don't recommend that you do), does that mean no one knows you're meeting that person?

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Hot Wax Play.
Q. What is necessary to begin?
A. I advise to put a cloth underneath, because wax play can be messy.

Q. Do you know the proper candles to use for the scene?
A. Most popular ones are paraffin and beeswax

Q. What's the difference between beeswax and paraffin?
A. Beeswax should be avoided, for it can leave permanent marks because of it's high burning temperature. Paraffin are the ones mostly used. White over dye are preferred. You can get them in supermarkets.

Q. What should you do If your body marks/bruises easily with heat?
A. Keep the distance of the candle further away from the body.

Q. What is the best way to prevent burns during the wax scenes?
A. Rub down the body with oil before wax sessions.

Q. What is the proper distance from the body to hold the candle?
A. The higher the distance between body and candle, the less hotter the candle. Test it on yourself. Start higher, and ask the sub for feedback. If you're the sub, ask the dom to start higher. The general rule is higher then 6-8 inches. I suggestion start at least 16-20 inches from the body, and ask for feedback in order to work yourself down. Ice can be introduced to wax play too. It causes erotic sensations to rub ice on the warm wax. Q. Can candles leave permanent burn marks if it's to close to the body?
A. Most Definite. Keep them minimum 6-8 inches away from the body.

Q. What happens if you burn someone?
A. Immediately put ice on it. If no ice, put cold wet towels, and change it every few minutes. Put ointment on that part of the body and bandage it.

FIREPLAY: The most dangerous type of play in my opinion, since no one can control fire. That is why it's so fascinating to many. Fireplay also makes an inexpensive way to have hair removal (which also in the wrong hands can become the most expensive way to have hair removal). One can use a violet want or candles to light the fire. Ice can be introduced to fireplay as well. It causes erotic sensations to switch between fire and ice.

*Don't use more than 70% Isopropyl Alcohol. Anything more will burn hotter.
*Put cotton balls in a jar, and fill it with alcohol. Let it soak.
*When using the cotton balls to rub the area, make sure, you squeeze excess alcohol into the jar before you rub the area. This way the cotton balls won't drip.
*Have a fire extinguisher near by, or a bucket of water. Accidents do happen.
*Make sure the bottoms hair and your hair is out of the way.
*Work with a small area. Don't try to impress others by spreading alcohol on a large area.
*Fire travels upward; so keep your hand on the very top where you rubbed the alcohol. This is the quckest way to put out the flame. Put the fire our downwards and not upwards.
*Don't concentrate on one area. Use the back of the legs, back, buttocks. More experienced players use the front of the body, I don't recommend it.
*After the session is finished, clean the area and rub it down with Aloe Vera or creams to prevent dryness of the skin.


Q. Does it make a difference what type of rope one uses?
A. Yes it does. Cotton is better rope, it's easier to maneuver and it doesn't cut into skin as much. Nylon lasts longer.

Q. How do you maintain the rope.
A. Cotton you can actually throw in the washing machine. Nylon you can wipe off.

Q. How do you make rope more manageable?
A. Cotton, by washing it. Nylon, by playing with it (twisting, stretching, etc.)

Q. How to practice rope bondage safely?
*Make sure that circulation is not cut off. Do not put the rope on the neck area, inner thighs or any other pressure point.

*The rule of thumb is, try to have room for 2 fingers between the rope and body when tying up a person. This way body parts won't fall asleep or become numb.

*Don't leave the person in bondage left unattended!

*If a person is gagged during bondage, have visual safe words, such as stomping feet, or movement of fingers.

*Always have safety scissors nearby in case you need to cut the ropes quickly.

*Don't leave ropes on for more than 20 minutes or so.

*Be careful of unnecessary rope burns when removing the ropes.

Fisting Rules:
*The dominant must wash his/her hands.
*Alcohol/peroxide pads are always good to have around.
*Clean your loin area.
*Are there any cuts that you have around the loin area? If yes, make sure latex gloves are used.
*Is your partner using gloves? If not make sure they do.
*If no gloves are used, does the top have any cuts around his/her hand? If yes, DO NOT let them fist you.
*Make sure lubricants and NOT saliva is used.
*Give the dominant feedback if you feel it's more then you can handle.
*As a top, ask the submissive for feedback if it's to much for her/him.
*DO NOT insert more then the partner can handle otherwise you may rip the membrane, and the person can hemorrhage, and/or get an infection.

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ELECTRIC PLAY: These include Tens Units, Violet Wands, Stock Prods, and Relaxacisors. Anyone with health conditions such as heart problems, pacemakers, epilepsy, etc., should not play with electricity. The general rule, is do not play with electricity above the waist area. However, a Violet Wand for example, does not produce enough electric charge to harm anyone, but why take a chance?

Spanking, Paddles, Caning & Floggings. RULES TO FOLLOW!
*Examine these toys before they are used on you to make sure they are clean.
*If bruises is one of your limits, then warn the dom ahead of time.
*If a single tail to be used, make sure the top is experienced with it! Ask the top to demonstrate the single tail before he/she uses it on you.
*If it's your first time playing, ask the top what to expect from the cane or whip.
*If it's your first time playing, tell the dominant to "warm" you up before proceeding to the extreme.
*Ask the bottom for feedback such as, "On a scale of 1-10 how strong is this?"
*Don't hit the bottom in "trauma areas" with hands, canes, paddles and other hard implements. Trauma places include kidneys, hip, heart, splean, and bone areas.

EDGE PLAY, Health and Emotional issues:

Q. *As a dominant, are you aware of the "Recall or Flashback" syndrome?
A. During play, your partner's past experiences may be triggered. Example of this could be during a rape scene, the sub may have a "flashback" of that dramatic moment. This can be mentally harmful. Know thy partner!

Q. *As a dominant, are you aware of the "letdown" prevention syndrome?
A. After the physical and/or mental session is finished, it is very important to reassure your partner that the submission that took place is "OK." This can be done by holding the submissive and caress, cradle and kiss him/her, and whisper softly, "good girl" (or boy, whichever applies). It bounds the submissive closer to the dominant. It also does wonders for the "psyche" of the submissive.

Q. *Are you familiar with first aid?
A. If not, you better learn CPR if you will session via Edge Play. It's good to know it anyway. There are dozens of reasons why dangerous sessions are called Edge Play. Example; during orgasms, by cutting off the oxygen supply, many have experienced incredible highs from this lack of oxygen. Even though Edge Play, such as asphyxia, can bring out a very high sexual high, I "DO NOT" recommend it, as it can be extremely dangerous. Results can be a collapsed lung, a seizure, or worse.

Q. What "NOT" to do during asphixia or choking.
A. DO NOT put pressure on the trachea, for it can be very easily crushed.

Make sure the following have a "No" answer.
*Do you have any emotional reasons not to do a certain scene, and not telling the dominant in order not to disappoint him/her?
*If you're playing with another submissive as well, is the dominant using the same vibrator and dildo on both of you?
*Are you experiencing something new on a submissive, via Edge Play, and not telling the submissive?

Make sure the following have a "YES" answer.
*As a dominant, are you familiar with the submissives health or emotional issues?
*As a Dominant, if you have health issues, do you volunteer that information?
*Is the dominant wearing a condom?
*Are clean vibrators and dildos used on you?
*Does the dominant use condoms on dildos and vibrators?
*If you'll play with needles, is each needle sealed in a package?
*If cutting is involved, is the knife sterile?
*Did you make sure the part of the body that is being cut is very clean?
*Did you make sure the right ointment and bandages are around to cover the skin after the session?

BRANDING/CUTTING AND PIERCING These activities must be done under the most sterile conditions. Since you are breaking skin, infections can be gotten very easily. Also the top should be wearing disposable sterile gloves. After the session, ointments such as bicitracin should be put on the wound, and area should be covered with a bandage wrap. Make sure, needles and cutting instruments are always sterile.

Q. What to do if the cut is to deep and the person is bleeding badly?
A. Put pressure on the wound and hold it for a few minutes. If the wound is really deep, perhaps an artery has been cut. You MUST take the person to the hospital immediately!!!

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Final Note: This is your life; it is not a rehearsal. You are here but once. I suggest you savor the safety issues above. It will lead to a safer and more enjoyable fun for you and your partner. Don't let Ego stand in the way of safety!

Links on Safety information.
*D/s Medical Advice: Prevention
*~Herbal First Aid In BDSM~
*Sexually Transmitted Diseases
*s a f e r s e x . o r g
*Electrical Play - BDSM Net Links
*bdsm powerotics
*Breath Play
*S&M Safety &Risk Management
*Dr.B ondage Safety First!

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